So…. Daniel only does mornings at school…. so far this year my son has been excluded 6 times, each time it has been violent behaviour against another child. This is heartbreaking, every time my mobile rings at work my heart sinks when i see the school number flashing on my screen, my colleagues all know the drill, i have to go, i’m sorry but Daniel is under a table/up a tree/in a bin/in the cloakroom and won’t come out. Or….. screaming on the floor, throwing chairs/tables etc. The worst has to be when he has hurt another child tho, this always makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s always the same call….. “Mrs L, sorry to do this to you but you need to pick Daniel up from school, we’ll let you know when he can come back” and just like that i feel like i’ve failed everyone including Daniel.
I walk into the reception and normally get met by Daniel curled in a ball somewhere or picking at the paint on the windowsill, it breaks me. I ask the same questions “where were the teachers?, why was he alone?” I get no sense from Daniel himself, he doesn’t seem to be able to ever explain what happened. I see the way i get looked at, it’s mixture of pity and i swear sometimes a hint of blame. I always want to scream the same things, “This is my son, he’s super and wonderful but you really don’t seem to be able to bring that out in him”.
Sometimes i search myself, wondering maybe, ifi didn’t shout so much at home, maybe if my house was better kept, maybe if i didn’t work… Maybe maybe maybe………………….
Sometimes i’d like to sleep the day away, the week away. He’s going back to school on Wednesday and i feel sick. I actually feel like there is nothing i can do, we’re at the mercy of the local education authorities…. I guess i’m going to have to sit back and enjoy the ride…. With occasional kicking people’s arse’s! littered in along the way……..